Megan's Page

Megan is a riot. She has more personality in her body than she has room for and proves this on a daily basis with all of the zany and hilarious things she does. I have given this a great deal of thought and decided that on her page I am going to include some of the wild and crazy stories from the past and present. There are SO many that it is hard to remember them all off of the top of my head so PLEASE feel free to Email me a reminder of your favorite Megan Tale and I will include it. Please note, if any of Megan's teachers ever read this, it is never okay for a child to misbehave at school and we certainly do not condone some of the things she does!

The tales definitely get funnier as she gets older but I went ahead and included some of the early stories for you to get an idea of where we are coming from!

The Early Years 1 to 1 ½

First Words

Megan’s first word was ‘ma ma’ but her second word was ‘no’. Her first full sentence was ‘sut up tupid’ (shut up stupid). Every time that Brian or I would get on to her that was her reply. Once she got a little bigger (age 1 ½ ) and she realized that she would get in trouble for calling us stupid and telling us to shut up, she started saying ‘no no stinky’

Time Out

Whenever big brother Jake (3) would get in trouble I would make him put his nose on the wall; this made Megan very angry with me and she would point her finger at me and say ‘no, no stinky’. Then, before I could even say anything, she would go over and put her nose on the wall next to him. It was like she didn’t want him to have to stand there all alone. When she would get in trouble and we would tell her to put her nose on the wall she would lay on the floor and kick and scream, but if he was in trouble that was a different story.

Age 2 -3

Concrete Friendship

When Megan was two we moved to Toulon. When we moved into the house there were two small bricks left by the previous tenants. One of the bricks was red and weighed about 5 pounds. The other was tan and had been broken and was probably about 3 pounds. Megan named the bricks Oscar (red) and Joey (tan). These were her babies. She would feed them and put them down for naps and do everything a little girl would do ...with a doll. One day as she was playing with them on the porch she dropped Oscar on her big toe. She started crying which brought Jake (4) running to see what was wrong. I was with her on the porch and carried her in to the bathroom so we could clean up her bleeding toe. Once this was done we had to go back out to the porch to check on "poor little Oscar". Just as we were stepping outside, Jacob was throwing Oscar off of the porch (for hurting Megan). When she saw this she was hysterical so Jake ran down to get the brick - in order to calm her down. When she took Oscar from Jake she saw that Oscar had blood on him and she started crying and yelling at Jacob for hurting him all the while rocking and cuddling... this brick. We could not make her understand that it was her blood and that Oscar was fine! Our neighbors must have thought we were crazy! A few months later we moved again and you can bet Oscar and Joey moved with us.

He’s Sorry Daddy

On Megan’s third birthday I got the kids McDonalds. We took the food home to eat. Megan and Jake wanted to eat outside so I gave them their Happy Meals and took baby Kolten inside. I was getting Koley settled in his highchair when I heard Megan and Jake start screaming frantically and I ran outside as fast as I could. Megan had been sitting on the steps eating when the neighbor’s cat came over, always the animal lover, she gave the cat a French Fry. The cat took the French Fry and then attacked her biting her on the head. It was a horrible bite and I ended up running her to the ER (on her birthday) where she ended up getting six stitches and two scars, one above her right eyebrow and one along the top of her forehead. Brian set a live trap and caught the cat so we could turn it over to Animal Control in order to have it tested for rabies. While waiting for Animal Control he let Jake and Kolten poke at it with a stick and stuff… Even after this cat bit her she cried to Brian “Don’t hurt him Daddy, he’s sorry, he won’t do it again.”

I’m the Boss

When Megan was around three Brian had a friend who would come over with his daughter who was about 13. She absolutely loved Megan and would play with her for hours. What got me was that Megan was in charge, she would tell this girl what to do and often what to say when they were playing and the girl would do it. I soon started to notice that this was happening with all of the older girls she would be around.

Age 4

Kolten Who?

When Megan was about four we lived in La Fayette. One day the kids and I were home alone, the boys were playing upstairs and Megan was watching TV on the couch; every once in awhile I would go to check on them. I went in the living room and Megan was sitting on the couch, when I walked in she put her head down and crossed her arms on a blanket that was next to her, I thought nothing of this. I went up to check on the boys and noticed that Kolten (2) wasn’t there. Of course Jake didn’t know where he was. I started looking and hollering for him but he was nowhere to be found. Jake started looking too, we searched the whole house and I asked Megan if she had seen him. She said, “nope” and went back to her movie. There was a baseball field across the road and at this time, there was something wrong with one of the towns wells and the water was backing up behind the baseball field, it was really deep and always full of frogs which fascinated Kolten and after frantically searching the house I just knew he had fallen into the water. I ran over there but there was no sign of him. I started crying and running back to the house as fast as I could; I had decided it was time to call the police. When I reached the yard I saw Jake standing on the back porch, he was waving his arms and yelling “I found him, I found him” I followed him into the living room where Megan was watching TV. Jake was standing in front of her and she said “Jacob I can’t see!!” I am still frantic and yelling, “WHERE IS KOLTEN” Megan grins, moves her arms and the blanket; Kolten had been a sleep on the couch next to her the entire time!! When I first asked her if she’d seen him she covered him up and so I wouldn’t notice him. This was NOT funny at the time - but we do laugh about it now.

Age 5 School Daze

Locked in the Locker
Megan started Kindergarten when she was 5. The first day of school was on a Thursday and on both Thursday and Friday after school I would ask how her day was. “Good, Good” Was always her reply. On Saturday she was sitting next to me on the couch and in the course of conversation she said, “Yesterday when I was in time out…” I let her finish her story and then I said, “Why were you in time out?” She realized she had messed up but was not ready to admit she had gotten in trouble so she said, “Oh yeah, well you see… I was SO good that my teacher rewarded me with time all to myself.” I thought ‘wow, for five that’s pretty good so I let it slide and instead said “You have a new teacher this year, what does she do for time out? Do you sit or stand or what?” She said “oh well… yeah… she locked me in my locker.” I said “WHAT?” Pretending to show genuine concern “She can’t do that, I’m calling the principal.” Megan said “NO! You don’t need to do that!” I asked “why not?” She still was not ready to admit she was fibbing and said “she… left the locker open this much (She held her hands up) so that I could breathe so it’s okay.” A few days later I was telling this to the teacher and she was absolutely horrified she said “Mrs. Foster I assure you I would never do that.” I said, “Oh trust me I know, but if Megan ever comes to school and tells you that I locked her in the closet… we don’t have any closets.”

Can’t Hold a Pencil

This poor teacher, a few weeks after school started and shortly after I told her of the previous incident, I had gone in to pick Megan up from school. The teacher came over and asked if she could speak to me so I took my three kids and we went to Megan’s classroom. Megan was busily showing her brothers around the room so the teacher and I were able to talk openly. She told me that she was very concerned about Megan that the children were learning to write their names, they didn’t expect it to be perfect but they were encouraging them to at least try. She said Megan was the youngest in the class and she really felt that she was trying but she couldn’t even hold the pencil and she was genuinely concerned. I asked her what she meant “she couldn’t hold a pencil?” So she took a pencil and showed me how they would place it in Megan’s hand and how Megan would try to hold her hand but the pencil would just fall onto the floor. She said they had been working on it for almost two weeks and that she had even brought an aide in just to work with Megan. I turned to the kids and said “Megan” and gestured for her to come over. When she got there I grabbed the top of her backpack, which she was wearing, and spun her around. In the center of her backpack was her name written by her during the summer. I pointed and said “Is this okay?” She said “that’s perfect.” Megan just grinned and walked away.

Secretary’s Pet

Megan was (is) ornery and when she was in Kindergarten she would get in trouble a lot, usually for being defiant. At least three times a week she would get sent to the Principals office. At Christmas she came home with a book and a necklace. I asked her who it was from and she told me it was from the principal’s secretary. I asked if all of the kids got something and she said, “No, why would they?” I said “well why did you?” “Well, cuz me and the secretary spend so much time together, she’s really nice. Why else do you think I spend so much time in the office?” Megan ended up taking Kindergarten twice because she refused to cooperate, we felt that we had put her into school too soon and that maybe she wasn’t mature enough,. The second year of Kindergarten she refused even more and did even less.

Age 6

My Brother’s Artistic

When Megan was five or six we use to say that no matter where she was in the house, no matter what she was doing she could hear every conversation that Brian and I had. This was about the same time that we started really having concerns about Kolten and the first time I mentioned autism to Brian. I must have said something like “I think he’s autistic” because soon after that she started telling everyone “My brother’s artistic.” Everyone was like, oh that’s good, what does he do does he draw nice pictures?” She would look at them like they were stupid and say “No, he runs in circles and stands on his head.”

Another Baby

One day I went in to pick Megan up from school and everyone kept coming up to me and saying “Congratulations!” “I heard the news!” Finally I asked one of Jake’s teachers and she said that Megan had told everyone that I was expecting. She said she asked Jake and he was like “I don’t know, I guess so.” I talked to Megan because I wanted to make sure she knew I wasn’t pregnant and she said “I know” So I asked why she had told everyone that and she said “I don’t know, I thought it would be funny."

Age 7

Stepie

A friend from college was having a baby and her mom had planned a surprise party and asked me to attend. I thought it would be fun for Megan to attend also. The ONLY person that I knew was the mom-to-be. Without my knowledge Megan went around telling everyone that I was her stepmom. She came up with this HUGE story about how her real mom had died and that I had married her dad. She said I was pretty nice and that I like her to call me 'Stepie'. I had no idea what was going on until some older lady came up and made a comment about how good I was with her. I gave her (this perfect stranger) a quizzical look and she went out to say that most step parents don't treat their step-kids as their own (I don't think that is always true, just what this lady was telling me). I knew Megan well enough to know she was behind this and was too embarrassed to set this poor woman straight; so the rest of the day I was Stepy. Amazing how well behaved Megan was once she found out that I had heard about Stepie!

Age 8 Texas

Letter to the Principal

We moved to Texas just before Megan started 3^rd Grade. She had a wonderful teacher who shared this story with me. On the last day of school before Christmas break the kids got a sack lunch from the cafeteria. Megan was not happy about this and wrote a letter to the Principal. The letter said something along the lines of: Dear Ms. Principal, Our parents pay good money for this school to provide us a good lunch and this is a rip off. The peanut butter and jelly sandwiched were still frozen and the Sun Chips have no flavor. If you insist on feeding us a sack lunch at least make sure it is eatable. Megan Foster

Quarter for your Silence

When Megan was in 3^rd Grade she came home from school with a hand full of quarters. She has always been good about saving and I thought she must have took a couple of dollars to school for some reason. The next day she came home with a hand full of quarters and a dollar bill and I said “Megan where are you getting all of this money?” She said, “Oh, the kids on the bus pay me to be quiet. I only charge a quarter but this one high school kid only had a dollar so he paid me for the rest of the week.”

High School Tears

I probably should not have made her stop taking money from the kids on the bus because shortly after that she started getting in trouble. I would ask her what she had done and she would say, “oh, I just made this girl cry… she shouldn’t have been looking at me.” We talked till we were blue in the face and punished but it continued. She finally got kicked off of the regular bus and put on a ‘special bus’. It was at this time that we found out that the girls she had made cry were all High Schoolers.

They Laughed!

Later that year Megan entered the 3^rd Grade Talent Show. She decided to do a comedy act and she and I spent practicing her routine. She had it perfectly but when the big day came and it was time to perform in front of over 100 people, she got nervous and forgot her lines. She made the cutest facial expressions when she would flub up and at one point when her teacher was trying to help she ‘whispered’ “WHAT” into the microphone. Everyone laughed so hard and when she did finally get through most of her routine everyone got her jokes and thought she was truly funny. When she was done I was so afraid she was going to cry because she messed up and didn’t get to do the whole routine. She ran to me and buried her face in my stomach, when she finally looked up she was so excited she said “They laughed they really laughed!!” She didn’t care if they were laughing at her, as long as they thought she was funny!

Newspaper

While in 3^rd Grade Megan decided it would be fun to do a newspaper. So, she pitched the idea to some classmates and some of them volunteered to help. She told each of them what to do and for a couple of weeks they produced a classroom newspaper. She had a Cheers and Jeers Section, a Gossip Column, a Sports Page, the Lunch Menu, and some other things and everyone did what they were told to do by Megan. I recently found a shirt that I just had to buy her it reads “TEAMWORK, A bunch of people doing what I tell them.”

Age 9

New Teacher

In 4^th Grade Megan’s teacher retired at Christmas. I told her I always believed she would lead a teacher to retirement, but not mid-year. He’s a great guy but had health problems that forced him into retirement; he assured me it had nothing to do with Megan. In January Megan got a new teacher. She was a very nice younger lady and Megan fought her from day one. She was constantly telling me that she didn’t like this teacher but the bottom line was she blamed her for the other teachers retiring. She did some mean things to this teacher including leading the kids in a chant of “We want Mr. (Old Teacher) back”. Near the end of the school year the school was doing fund raisers and one of the contests that they did was to have the children donate a dollar to vote for their favorite teacher. Megan had five dollars saved and she used all five to pledge for this teacher who she 'didn’t like'. I asked her why she had done it and she said that the teacher had the least amount of money and it made her look sad. I reminded her that she swore she didn’t like this teacher and she said “I don’t ...I just can’t stand people around me looking all sad.” This year she has gone out of her way to stop by last years classroom just to see this teacher she didn't like.

Restraining Order

This teacher and I became fast friends as it seemed we were talking constantly because of Megan’s shenanigans. Throughout the year, Megan kept picking on this one little boy. The teacher assured me that she only gave her detention when she hit or punched the kid because if she gave her one every time she put him in a headlock she’d be serving detention into the summer. One day she called me and said “Mrs. Foster, I’m not trying to get into your personal business, but if you or your husband have any professional documents lying around I would encourage you to put those up.” I asked her what she was talking about and she informed me that Megan had made a subpoena against this boy (mentioned above). It said Restraining Order across the top and then said ‘this subpoena hereby states that Boy B cannot come within three feet of Megan F or there will be serious consequences. It listed the boy as the Defendant and Megan as the Plaintiff and was full of pretty big words. The boy had even signed it under Defendant and Megan under Plaintiff. The teacher felt the words were way too big for Megan to come up with and was afraid she saw something at home and copied it. I assured her we had nothing like that and never had but that I would certainly talk to Megan about it and asked her to send me the “Restraining Order” so I could take a look at it. I was shocked when I saw it and I asked Megan how she had created such a thing. She said, “Duh, Law and Order.”

Age 10

The Son My Father Always Wanted

We moved to Texas so Brian could become a Hunting Guide. Megan loves to go with him to the ranch and she and I often spend a lot of time there with Brian. The boys prefer not to go and on more than one occasion when someone asks about our boys Megan will now tell the hunters 'I'm the son my dad always wanted.'

Who Wears Short Shorts

Drew Butterwick from Art of Deception TV is part of one of the groups that frequents the ranch. The first time they met Drew decide he was going to tease Megan. I have told her repeatedly to behave when we are at the ranch but if the hunters mess with her she is allowed to mess or tease them back. I was actually impressed because Drew kept teasing her and she just sort of took it. After awhile drew went to change, to get ready to hunt. When he came out he was wearing these kaki colored shorts like they wear to hunt in Africa. We were all outside, there was at least a dozen of us, Megan is on the far end of the deck away from him and she hollers “Hey Drew” Everyone was quiet and she hollered “don’t you know men aren’t suppose to wear Daisy Dukes?” All of the guys started laughing then the rest of the day when she saw him she would sing “Who wears short shorts? Drew wears short shorts.” He left her alone after that!

Age 11

The Doctor is In

Recently people that I know were arguing and I was trying to help the situation. One of them Would storm off and the other would just sit there and not saying anything. I made them both sit down and encouraged them to discuss their feelings. While we were talking Megan walked up with a small piece of paper she handed it to the woman and said "If this guy can't help you no one can." The woman unfolded it and started laughing. She handed it to the man and he started laughing and handed it to me; the note said 'Dr. Phil.'

New Vice Principal

Kolten is going to the Elementary this year and the dress code is much stricter than the Primary School so we went in before school to talk to someone to make sure Kolten would be okay. This is our third school year here and we had not seen the woman we were speaking to before. When we were getting ready to leave she asked Megan and Jake if either of them would be attending the elementary school and Megan said, "I will be, who are you?” It was then she told us she was the new Vice Principal. Megan said, “So, you’re in charge of discipline?’ The new Vice Principal: “Yes, why?” Megan: “Well, I guess you’ll get to know me pretty well.” VP: “Why do you get in trouble a lot?” Megan: “Yea, me and the Old Vice Principal spent A LOT of time together.” VP: “Why what kind of things do you do?” Megan: “Oh, I don’t want to ruin the surprise, you’ll find out soon enough.”

Trip to the Dentist

Megan has been having quite a bit of work done at the dentist. We were blessed to get the nicest dentist in all of Texas, possibly the entire world, to work on Megan’s teeth. The first time that Megan was going to get the “Laughing Gas” the dentist was talking to her and trying to reassure her. She asked Megan if she had any pets and Megan said “Yes, a cat and two dogs.” She asked Megan which one was her favorite and Megan said “My cat, Spike.” She said “Well you just lay back and relax and I will take good care of you just like you take good care of your cat.” Megan's eyes got really big and she sat up and said, “You mean you’re not going to feed me for three days?!”

Endangered Species

Megan has spent a great deal of time lately researching some endangered falcon on the internet. She also recently borrowed my clipboard. A few days ago I found the clipboard with paper on it in Megan's room. The paper contained signatures of several staff members from the school as well as names I didn’t recognize. After several names were little notes in the same handwritings that said “Save the Falcons” and “Good Luck Saving the Falcons” I asked Megan about this. She told me that the names I didn’t know were cheerleaders from her school. She said she made up a story about saving the endangered falcons and even did research on the internet so she would know more and then she got the teachers to sign this petition so that she could practice their signature. She said "you never know when that will come in handy and if I can get the cheerleaders signature down I bet I could really cause them some havoc."